Is This You Fellas?

Don’t kid yourselves guys, do these things and she’s doneIf you see any of these character and integrity issues within yourself, then clean up your act. If it’s too late?

These character flaws burn bridges, and pollute the waters. Leaving you only your pride and ego intact, but with a woman who no longer wants or loves you. She will either leave, or let you leave without much resistance.

http://www.relrules.com/top-8-ways-men-destroy-their-marriage/

Reprinted here.

Top 8 ways Men destroy their Marriage

Kaetlyn SummersPosted 8 months ago
via Shutterstock

Marriage is a sacred bond, people take it so lightly. Don’t be one of these people.

Marriage is a very hard thing to pull off. It’s like living on a prayer. You never know when things can turn dull and dreary. However, there’s always a pattern to destruction. This list is not geared towards men because they’re always at fault. We’re just going to highlight some things that men do that can ruin a marriage. A woman is sometimes equally culpable for the failure of a marriage.

People need to understand that Marriage is not always about love. It’s more of a choice. You choose to be with your partner through thick and thin. You choose to sacrifice your happiness for your partner. It’s not just about Love. Love is essential but it’s not the only thing that is essential.

Let’s discuss some things that men do to destroy a marriage.

1. Not caring about what makes your woman Insecure

The mind of a woman is highly complex. They notice even the minor details about the one they love. They follow their every move because they are highly committed to them. You know that she feels insecure when you look at other women and no matter how much she trusts you, she will need reassurance that you are still faithful to her and love her and respect her feelings.

If you brush off her insecurities by continuously making jokes and telling her that she always makes a big deal out of everything, then you are making a big mistake and it will come to haunt you in the future.

When you are married to someone, you can’t let your partner feel unwanted. It’s perfectly natural to look at other women but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your partner’s discomfort.

You need to reassure your wife that you are loyal to her and it’s not hard to do that. You wife will ask you many questions when she feels unwanted or insecure. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t trust you. It just means that she just needs reassurance and a way to connect with you. If she asks you that do you still love her? Or do you find her beautiful? Then don’t hesitate to answer her.

Make her feel that you still find her beautiful and not just say it but make her believe it. Look into her eyes and make a soul to soul connection with her and tell her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. This will eradicate all the doubts she has in her mind.

2. Underestimating the Importance of small gestures

If your wife isn’t a gold digger, she won’t always need a diamond necklace to make her happy. You can make her happy by doing really simple things for her.

Simple gestures of love can lighten her up. If you’re just focusing on grand gestures, then she might feel like you are doing them because you feel guilty and covering up for your little deficiencies. Leave a text that says ‘I Love you’.

Surprising her by waking up and making breakfast for her can do wonders for you. Play with the kids right after coming from work. Women find man very sexy who are good with the kids.

Never ever forget her birthday or you are in for bashing. Make sure that even after 5 or 16 years, her birthday is memorable for her.

Wish her at midnight and make arrangements for a surprise party. Spend the day with her and if you’re busy then give her your undivided attention even if it’s for a few hours.

3. Letting anger get the best of you

Whenever men are having a hard time in life, they think that by not involving their spouse in these things, they’re doing them a favor. That’s highly untrue. All their doing is closing their partner off and harboring all that bitterness and anger inside them which is poison to their veins.

Women know when their man is disturbed and it’s impossible to conceal such things from them. They feel like that their partner doesn’t consider them worthy enough to help them.

She wants to feel closer to you and not so that she can make things worse. All she wants to do is be a part of your life. Women assume.

That’s how it works for them. If she asks you several times that what the problem is and you ignore her every time, she will not only feel neglected but think that she is the problem.

You can stop this from happening by just opening up to her and not making a mountain out of a mole hill. It’s just that simple.

4. Not taking responsibility for your actions and being a man

There are some things which men to blame their women for because it hurts their pride. It can be an affair or alcohol addiction or any similar thing.

You blame her for your deficiencies instead of taking responsibility for them. “She doesn’t care for me that’s why I had an affair” Do you listen to yourself right now? How stupid you sound?

If you’ve done something wrong, it’s time to be a man if you want to save your marriage. Stop blaming your mistakes on someone else. You are responsible for the implications your actions bring. The first step to taking responsibility is acceptance.

You have to accept that you did something wrong because of yourself and not someone else. Once you accept that you were the problem, you can then move on to the next step or you will always be in denial.

If your wife really does make your life a living hell, then be a man and tell her. Be open towards her. If she loves you, she’ll understand. Clear the air and end the torture.

5. Going for someone who is not compatible with you or not ready for marriage

Never rush into marriage. Marriage is a long-term commitment and some men make the wrong decision without thinking it through.

A woman who has incompatibilities with the man will have the same incompatibilities after the marriage. If she is dominant and a control freak before the marriage, this won’t just magically change after the marriage.

Not every girl you will meet will be marriage material. Some girls will be immature and not ready for marriage but they’re young and they don’t know what they’re getting into and they’ll end up regretting marrying you. When you are going to marry someone, you should have utter clarity.

If you’re gonna marry a depressed woman in hopes that you will fix her after marriage, then you’re taking a big risk.

One thing is for sure that if you’re choosing the wrong woman, the only end result will be failure.. Be realistic and rational and don’t let the overwhelming power of love cloud your judgment. This is not an easy decision so think it through.

Marriage requires both the husband and the wife to work hard every day and overlook many flaws and move on with the resolve that they will not let the love die between them and work on their deficiencies.

6. The Silent treatment

This is one of the worst things to do in a marriage. If you hold things inside you, they will act as an anchor. They will affix you to an abyss that will be hard to escape from. If you’ve had a fight with your partner, you should discuss it with them instead of being distant and unresponsive.

Communication is highly important in a relationship. When two couples stop talking to each other, the distance starts to grow and there comes a point when your partner becomes a stranger to you. You have nothing left to talk about if you leave things be. Emotional intimacy is very important and it can only be maintained if you have a soul to soul connection with your partner.

Some men are emotionally distant. They stop talking and they assume stuff in their head. They assume that they can’t be helped. They underestimate the ability of their women to make them happy as the marriage progresses. It’s obvious that you will not have the same fire that you had in the start of your marriage. This is no excuse to stop talking to your woman.

You should talk about your dreams with her and you should tell her that you see a future in which she has an integral part. Don’t just hold the little details in. Let them be known to your partner so that the love between you grows ever so stronger.

7. Being Judgmental and always trying to fix her

Women are very sensitive beings. Sometimes, they will have problems and they will just want someone to listen to them. They don’t want answers. They just want someone to be with them in these rough times until they figure out a solution.

If a man is being pushy and forcing her to make decisions all the time and judging, then it will circumvent a woman’s freedom. She will feel less independent and insecure. She will feel that someone is taking away her freedom.

None of us are perfect. We all have our insecurities and fears and marriage is all about compromise. It’s about loving another person unconditionally. Men tend to become judgmental just because the society pressurize them to be. If your woman makes a mistake, you can advise her to solve things but you can’t force her.

8. Never Saying “I’m Sorry.”

All marriages have fights and arguments. The trick is to identify the limit which will take the argument too far. You need to ask yourself that is winning an argument more important than your marriage?

Sometimes, walking away from an argument can make your love stronger. It can strengthen the bond between you two. If you can resolve a conflict by just saying, “I’m sorry’’ then you shouldn’t let your ego get in the way. If your partner loves you, they will make sure that they do no alleviate your self-esteem.

Apologizing means that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep the marriage alive. Some men think that if they apologize, it will hurt their pride. All it does is make your wife realize that she’s got a man that she can bear all burdens with.



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What Family Should Be Like

Ah, family… If you were fortunate enough to live in a functional one, consider yourself blessed. Most people these days aren’t so fortunate. A culture of dysfunction is prevalent. If you have anyone in your family that is in your corner consider yourself lucky. There aren’t many people in my family that fit the “in your corner” bill, but I have that one cousin that is alway letting me know that he is.  I don’t hear these words from anyone but him: I’m proud of you. And, remember, “family isn’t always blood”.

My cousin Allen and I are about a year apart. Whenever things aren’t going right, I can count on him to be positive and uplifting. Since I’m not especially close to my parents, and have a non existent relationship with my only sibling, it’s nice to know that I have family that cares.  He let’s me know what the rest of the family refuses to tell me: I’m on the right track, that you can always start over, mistakes make you stronger and that someone is in my corner. I know who I can count on, to not put me down during the times I’m struggling.

Then there’s Rachel my “other mom”. She’s actually my best friend’s mother. I can talk to her about anything. Why? She listens, really listens. I don’t have to worry about every mistake I’ve ever made being thrown in my face. We talk about things that are going on in the present, and what I need to do about it. She validates my feelings. I really feel understood and heard when we’re talking.  She’s logical, rational, helps me put things in perspective. And, the best part: she doesn’t try to shut me down when she doesn’t like what I’m saying. She empathizes. She doesn’t justify, make excuses, or try to invalidate my grievances.

I can’t forget Danielle, my “little sister”. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have her as a friend and confidante. As a business partner, she’s awesome. We think just enough alike to work together well, and just enough differently to make a business work. I trust her, and we are able to work through issues with mutual respect and confidence. She makes me laugh, and we’ve shed some tears together. She’s loyal, and loyalty is what I treasure these days the most.

My kids are my lifeline. I can’t say enough about how much I love them. It’s not always easy being a parent, and at any given time there will be problems. They are the reason for me achieving the things that I do. They remind me that they love me the minute I feel like giving up. They show love, gratitude and appreciation for what I do for them. They aren’t perfect, but are loving and care. They’re hard working, and sensitive. They understand that life doesn’t revolve around them, and are discerning. They have integrity, great character, values and morals that make me proud. I love them, and can’t believe that I gave birth to such fantastic people.

Thank goodness for Mark. Everyone should have a friend like this man. He’s positive, accomplished, encouraging, and most importantly willing to help out his friends. Consistently eager to lend a helping hand, with a positive message and actions that follow. This man talks the talk, and walks the walk. He’s smart, well connected, and easy going. Because he’s constantly looking to grow and improve, he’s willing and open to listen to: opinions, ideas, and thoughts that are different from his own. He has his ego in check, his humility and giving, selfless nature are honorable.

And last, but not least: Justine. We are so much alike. I love her laugh, and she’s a kind and giving person. Hardworking mom, with a fantastic singing voice. Who wouldn’t want a friend that you can share with, and understands what you’re going through? She’s smart, knows how to really listen. Wise, and her advice is spot on. Conversations with her are also uplifting, and she really knows how to make your feel welcome when you’re around her. She knows no strangers, and she smiles a lot. You can feel the happiness in her presence.

Most people just don’t know how to love, especially in families. Many are under the false belief that you can mistreat family, and there’s not a thing they can do about it. Nothing could be further from the truth. When you are: disrespectful, condescending, judgmental, critical, harsh, abusive, rejecting and unloving? You don’t deserve a pass just because you are family. In fact, family members are the one set of people who have the right to call you on it. Period. It’s delusional to expect family to accept mistreatment and still want to be around you. Charity begins in the home, if it doesn’t happen there? Then you’ll live a life of seeking it in all the wrong places and people.