Have you ever noticed that the most damaged people that you can ever come into contact with are those who don’t look at themselves? They’re great at pointing out everyone’s flaws, but downplay their own. And worse, believe that they aren’t ever the problem. They cause strife, chaos, and anger only to turn around and play the victim. Justifying whatever it is that they are doing, have done, or failed at by pointing fingers at who they want to believe is the problem. Why? Insecurity.
Insecure people are masters at making sure you know that someone else is to blame. Being masters at the blame game, and continuously perfecting their craft. They just can’t handle the responsibility of owning up to their own faults, flaws, imperfections and negative aspects of themselves. These are people that learned early on that it’s better to look good, than to be good. They tell themselves that as long as people perceive them to be good, that should be enough. Wrong, character and integrity count.
People who lack character and integrity are usually liars. They live in the delusional state of magical thinking: just because I think or feel it, makes it so. Living in a state of denial that only causes themselves and everyone around them constant headaches. They’re also reactionary. Meaning: They live and die by how they feel, irrational and constantly on edge. A walking, breathing raw nerve, that can’t tolerate even the smallest breeze.
Emotional creatures that aren’t in control of their emotions. Because they lack the ability to self soothe, they also have very little self discipline, and resist delayed gratification. Compulsive, with easily bruised egos and arrogant by nature, small people that no one can really believe in. And, no one really believes.
They have a tendency to “poison the well” ( concocting stories, or just plain twisting the truth ) so that others will run to their defense when they’ve wronged someone. This is also a destructive way to live. They don’t have genuine relationships, because they just aren’t authentic. Imposters hoping not be found out.
They wear masks all the time. Because they are so focused on their image, a living breathing illusion. An empty shell, and endless void that longs to be filled but refuses to look at self long enough to have it filled. Destructive and lonely even when in relationships, they hurt others to be able to feel something. Their inner demons run the show. Tormenting them in the darkness when all else is quiet. Relentlessly reminding them of their emptiness.
They are often afraid to be alone. Willing to do anything, or worse be with anyone that diminishes this fear. Often with users like themselves that will use them, and eventually leave them when they have gotten all that they can out of them. Because they are so afraid of “real” people, they do everything they can to turn others against them.
The need to: play games, insult, accuse, justify, project, deflect, and manipulate is second nature to the insecure. They are survival methods used by the inner child that has been locked up left to fester in their fear and anger. Children afraid and alone, disguised as adults in the world that frightens them. They go through life never really living. A child that wants to be validated and loved unconditionally by the only one that really can love them: the person they see in the mirror everyday.
These are the people who destroy relationships, families, careers, businesses and friendships in an ever constant battle to reinvent a fragmented inner self. In a desperate quest to be and finally feel whole. Those looking outside themselves for a validation, purpose, meaning and more importantly a love that can only come from within. Constantly trying to gain and keep the upper hand, in all situations where they feel vulnerable and/or exposed.
Hurt, angry, hiding inner children that lash out at those closest to them for fear of exposing a truth that they don’t want to face: the realization of not having an identity to call their own. In essence, not feeling real. So, they become counterfeit beings longing to belong. Looking for sources of a self through others that only they can put together. Always searching, never resting. Until finally, they either hit rock bottom and change. Or, are doomed to a half life of watching others love, and enjoy life. Always in the shadows resenting those living in the light.
The best way to help them? Let them go. They are lost and only they can find themselves. You can’t do this for them. Yes, their journey is going to be a painful one. Usually they have to hit rock bottom before they can face the truth. Rock bottom is the place where many people have found their true selves at last. Where all the layers are peeled away and only the real person remains. They will either stay in the dark void, or come out and enjoy the light. They have to want to change.