Be Interdependent

“Interdependence is mutual dependence between things. Inter- means “between,” so interdependence is dependence between things.” Vocabulary.com

As human beings we are social creatures. We were practically designed to need to be around others. The need for contact, affection, attention, and love are all ingrained. Let’s face it: people need people. That’s why we choose the friends we have, our significant other ( or potential one ), and other social circles. We’re supposed to learn how to interact within the family unit. Some do, some don’t. That’s where you learn interdependence.

When people mutually depend on each other, there’s balance, harmony and a sense of well-being. That’s how life is constructed. Balance is essential. But, where there is a shift, there are problems. People who demand that someone submit and become depend aren’t interested in balance. They want leverage. Now that isn’t bad in and of itself if the person is doing in the best interest of another person, say a child. But, it’s destructive when it’s done to another adult that’s perfectly capable of making their own decisions.

Dependence is usually about power and control. Period. The person that’s dependent is the one without the power. Have you ever noticed that people who want you to be dependent also seem to have a god complex on top of it? Their way or the highway? Not only does this not work in relationships ( people can’t get away from those types fast enough ), but they will kill a business. An un-coachable, unteachable, and obstinate person makes life miserable. They don’t want interdependence because it takes away their sense of power.

This is where the imbalance comes in: they don’t want to be an equal, they want to be superior. That doesn’t always work when you’re trying to accomplish something collectively. What may work for the military doesn’t work in civilian life. Military missions are life and death, civilian interactions aren’t. Dictators make lousy leaders, and get overthrown eventually. Their people use all forms and means of escape, and tend to treat others better once they obtain their freedom.

So, how do you get to the place of interdependence? Give and take. Takers love dependence, they’re in control. It’s an absolute power thing, and it does corrupt absolutely. Givers tend to become doormats eventually, and that’s not a good  either. You need a balance of both. How do you know when you’re there? People will tell you. That’s right, they’ll thank you for your help, and offer to do the same in the future. They’ll want to do the things that you do for them in return. No strings, and no questions asked. When you can do for others what you would want done to you, you’ve achieved it.

Too many people go through life with a, “What’s in it for me, and screw you,” attitude. They really are the ones that miss out of what’s really important in life. They just don’t get it. Interdependence is a win/win, and everyone walks away with something. That’s the way it should be, and it works out well for all involved. When everyone is getting something out of it, then the world becomes a better place: we achieve synergy.

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