Who Defines You?

Isn’t it interesting how much people love labels? There seems to be a box for everyone. Why so many boxes and definitions? What use do they really serve? Are we so afraid to look within that we have to judge everyone else? Or worse, do we fear giving others the opportunity to tell us who we are? This seems to be so for many of us. But, can we change that? The answer can be yes or no. It depends on your mindset.

I’m currently reading, “Mindset, The New Psychology of Success”, by Carol Dweck, Ph.D. It’s seriously an interesting read. I haven’t read far enough into it yet to give an unbiased opinion. But, from what I’ve read so far, many people could benefit from this book.  Dr. Dweck talks about the differences between a fixed mindset and a growth one. When you are able, I suggest that you take some time to look into it on her website. http://mindsetonline.com/

I have come to believe that the people doling out these definitions would be horrified if they were defined by their own standards. What people believe about others and themselves is crucial to how they treat others as well as themselves. If you’ve made up your mind about someone, it’s pretty hard to change it. The same thing with changing your perspective of yourself. Especially if you meet like-minded individuals that validate you. That’s where the trouble begins. Then there’s a lifetime of possibly being wrong, and not wanting to change. Once the ego and pride are at stake… Well, you get the picture.

Does that have to mean that we have to accept who others say we are? Especially if we have been told who we are for so long? Short answer, no. No one else can live your life for you. They shouldn’t be trusted to make your important decisions. More often than not, people who don’t really know the real you base things on themselves or try to pave your path for their own financial and/or egotistical gains. Their personal wants, needs, desires, feelings, thoughts… The list is endless. It’s about them, not you.

How do you define yourself? Take personal inventory. Ask yourself the same questions that a stranger at a new place would ask you about you. Where are you from? What do you do for a living? What do you like to do for fun? Do you have any siblings? So what brings you here? It may sound strange, but those are some questions people ask to get to know you. Introspection is important in today’s world, and would help many people find true peace within themselves.

It is hard when you have no clue who you are, and don’t know what you want to be. Reinventing your life constantly with no real foundation. Living your life based on others opinions and expectations? That’s existing, not thriving. It’s your life. Trust and believe, there are people who really feel the need to try to live it for you. They want you to be their mirror image, and that makes them feel important, powerful and in control. It’s truly about them, not you. So ditch the toxic people. If not physically, at least mentally. Control your contact with them. You’re not a kid, so you don’t have to let them call the shots.

The wrong question to ask is: Who am I? The right one is: Why am I here? What’s my purpose? My destiny? Are my actions and thoughts consistent, and in keeping with it? If your actions don’t fit your words, then you have a disconnect with your authentic self. If you don’t like the real you, you can change. The question is, do you want to? Trust yourself before you trust anyone else to tell you who you are. You are the only person that’s with you everyday of your life. No one knows you, as well as you do.


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