A Positive Growth Mindset

Zig Ziglar used the phrase “GIGO”: garbage in, garbage out. It’s so true. I have an inner circle that is extremely positive these days. Why? At first I didn’t get it until a friend of mind pointed it out: I attracted it. I started using natural laws in my life, they’re real. He showed me how they were working in my life. They can work for you as well, if you’re willing to take them seriously. I love to read, and these books will really get you going.

Here’s a book list of that can take you to the next high energy level. It’s an extremely short list, but a good start.

  1. First Steps to Wealth, by Dani Johnson. It’s free, just pay shipping and handling http://www.danijohnson.com
  2. The Law of Success, by Napoleon Hill. It takes “Think and Grow Rich” to the next level.
  3. The Magic of Thinking Big, by David J Schwartz.
  4. The Prosperity Bible, by various authors.
  5. Mindset, by Carol Dweck
  6. The Power of the Subconscious Mind, by Joseph Murphy
  7. Presence, by Amy Cuddy
  8. Grit, by Angela Duckworth
  9. No More Excuses, by Brian Tracy
  10. The 12 Week Year, by Brian P Moran
  11. Afformations, by Noah St. John
  12. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie
  13. See You At The Top, By Zig Ziglar
  14. Awaken the Giant Within, by Tony Robbins
  15. Any book written by Jim Rohn

The list of books on this subject is endless, and once you get started? You really start to feel a sense of empowerment. If you actively use what you learn, it will improve every area of your life. I even have my kids reading them, and others to help them have a great start in life. I’ve seen improvements in them as well.

These are just a few books that can help you to raise your positive energy “vibrational frequency”.  You get what you attract. When your mindset is a growth one, you don’t get stuck. Often people get stuck when they wallow in the past, and can’t let go of things that aren’t good for them. Low energy is just as contagious as high energy. The difference: low energy attracts more: misery, negativity and suffering; high energy attracts more: joy, positivity, peace and success (thank you Mark for your support on this one).

Of all the books on the list, I think that “Mindset”, by Carol Dweck was the one that helped me the most. A growth mindset is so important, not only to your relationships, but also for your health as well. Many authors agree: what you focus on expands. If you focus on what you don’t want? You get more of it exponentially. The same with what you do want. Focusing on more of what you want is the key.

It’s better to be empowered over feeling defeated and weak any day. Besides, you really do have the choice in life: grow or stay stuck. Growing helps you to improve your life and any situation you have be faced with. Staying stuck does the exact opposite. You can lose years not facing the reality of being stuck, and worse? Miss out on all that a new and different life can offer. You really do have the choice to make your life the one you want. You just have to be honest enough with yourself to see if things aren’t working, and be willing to do something positive about it.

Here is the best poem I’ve ever read about personal growth and personal responsibility:

The Fable of the Bridge

The fable begins with a man wrestling with his own thoughts about his future and what choices he wants to make about his life.

After much contemplation, he achieves great clarity and is excited about the vision he can see for his life. He starts off on the journey to his future. 

He must travel to another town where an amazing opportunity has presented itself but he must get there by the next morning or the opportunity will pass.

He travels many hours, each step getting more excited about the life he is creating. As the full moon rises, he is alone in his thoughts as he starts crossing a bridge.

The man sees out of the corner of his eye a stranger coming towards him. He thinks the man approaching is putting his hand out to greet him. However, the stranger has the end of a rope in his hand with the other end wound around his waist.

The stranger asks the man to hold the end of the rope. Although perplexed, the man complies.

The stranger asks the man to hold on tight with two hands and then promptly jumps off the bridge toward the swift running deep river below. “Hold on!” the stranger cries.

The free-falling body hurtled the distance of the rope’s length, and from the bridge the man abruptly felt the pull. He held tight despite being almost pulled over the side of the bridge.

Peering down at the stranger who was close to oblivion, the man yelled, “What are you trying to do?”

“Just hold tight,” said the other.

The man tried to haul the stranger in but he could not. He could not get enough leverage. His strength was almost perfectly counterbalanced by the other man’s weight.

“Why did you do this?” the man called out. “Remember,” said the other, “if you let go, I will be lost.”

“But I cannot pull you up,” the man cried. “Just hold on. I need you,” the stranger yells.

The man looked around for help, but no one was near. The man holds on for a while, and then calls, “Please, I cannot hold you. Please climb up.”

“I am your responsibility,” said the other. “Well, I did not ask for it,” the man said. The stranger cried, “If you let go, I am lost.”

The man tried to invent solutions, like tying the rope to the bridge, but could not find any that would work.

Fearing that his arms could not hold out much longer, he tied the rope around his waist.

He thought if he just waited long enough, someone was bound to come and help pull the stranger up. He waited many hours, but no one came.

“Why did you do this?” he asked again. “Don’t you see what you have done? What possible purpose could you have had in mind?”

“Just remember,” said the other, “my life is in your hands.”

Time passed and a decision needed to be made. The man could not hold on much longer.

A thought occurred to him. If the stranger hauled himself up and he kept the end steady and pulled a bit, together they could get the stranger back to safety.

But the other wasn’t interested.

“You mean you won’t help? But I told you I cannot pull you up myself, and I don’t think I can hang on much longer either.” “You must try,” the other shouted back in tears. “If you fail, I die.”

More time passed and finally, the point of decision arrived. The man said to the other, “Listen to me. I will not accept the position of choice for your life, only for my own; the position of choice for your own life, I hereby give back to you.”

“What do you mean?” the other asked, afraid.

“I mean, simply, it’s up to you. You decide which way this ends. I will help you if you help yourself.”

“You cannot mean what you say,” the other shrieked. “You would not be so selfish. I am your responsibility. What could be so important that you would let someone die? Do not do this to me.”

The man stated again, “I will not stand here and hold this rope. If you want to live, you must start moving now, and I will help you. Please, start now.”

He waited a few minutes, but there was no change in the tension of the rope. “I accept your choice,” the man said, at last, and freed his hands.

By the late Rabbi Edwin Friedman

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Which Christmas are you Having?

I have the best time at Christmas with my kids. My girls make it really special. They all get really into the Christmas spirit. They not only make it a festive time of year, they make sure that I have a really good one as well. They feel like I sacrifice and work hard to take care of them. So this is the time they show me how much they appreciate and love me. I couldn’t ask for a better time of year. They know how much I love them, and that they are a priority. They understand that real love is about action, not lip service.

Christmas is a time of service and thinking of your fellow man. If this isn’t the life you’re living, then I really feel sorry for you. Christmas time is also a time when you find out who’s in your circle. If you find yourself on the outside looking in? Then you’re not a part of that circle any longer. Some people at this time of year are forced to face the consequences of: bad decisions, poor choices, selfish and self-centered behavior, immaturity, immorality, a lack of integrity, no self control and/or self discipline, chasing fantasies, a flawed character, and just being a poor excuse for a human being. This is the time of year where you find out just what you either are thankful for, or what you regret. Self serving people really do feel the pain of selfishness during Christmas time.

Family isn’t always a blood relative. Family are the people who love you. If you aren’t loved? You know it. People spend time with those they care about, love, respect, admire, trust, think are loyal and faithful, as well as think highly of. If you’re being avoided this Christmas? Then take a good look in the mirror. Often people take for granted, and are unappreciative of the people in their lives. You can’t treat people like trash and expect them to love you for it; only those who feel entitled believe this. That’s called: delusional thinking. Be careful how you treat people, the holidays will show you what they really think of you.

Christmas shows us who we really are. Many people go through life thinking more highly of themselves than they should. Are the people you want in your life eager to have you in theirs? If the answer is “no”, then it’s time for a reality check. Don’t kid yourself, Ebeneezer Scrooge isn’t the only “unwanted creature, not a cockroach, a rat, a leach or a cat”. Keep in mind that Scrooge was not a good man, and only cared for himself. Money was his weakness. He had a crappy childhood, but that’s no excuse. Many people have let weaknesses rob them of what matters most. Karma is real, what goes around, eventually comes around. More importantly, is often more than deserved.

Christmas can be a great time for some, but a devastating time for others. I’m really glad that I treated my kids right their whole lives. I love them, and they love me. There’s no friction, only peace, love and joy. We are a close, tight knit family, and everyone around us can see it. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and it’s an honor to raise and watch them grow. I’ll never live with the pain of being rejected. Or, being held accountable for foolish, selfish, mean spirited, churlish, cruel and vindictive behavior. They don’t have any bad memories to look back on from me. Knowing that my kids love me, makes Christmas “the most wonderful time of the year.”

Time Well Used

2017 has been a year of tremendous changes, and all of them have been life changing. I’ve learned more about people, and what life is like with the right kind of people in your life. I’ve been told that I’m an amazing woman this year by countless people. I had no idea what I was made of. This year has been the year that has shown me that I have what it takes to make it in life. I’ve also seen my kids grow and excel as well. I have much to be grateful for, and this Christmas season is no exception.

Life is better with gratitude. Ungrateful people can’t stand to see others happy, and are miserable no matter what they have. They’re focused only on themselves, their wants and needs, refusing to consider other peoples experiences. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, and ungrateful people find that out the hard way. Being happy with what you already have is empowering. The more you appreciate what you have, the better your life becomes. Gratitude comes from serving others, ungrateful people only know how to serve themselves.

Dreams do come true. Once you get focused on the right things, you can dream again. I have a business partner that would be a great husband, and I hope to find a man just like him. He’s: encouraging, positive, humble, generous, kind, ambitious, attentive, caring, empathetic, intelligent, self-disciplined, diligent, loyal, faithful, successful and has helped me to learn to dream again. He’s good at painting pictures of what my life could be like, so I now focus on what I want. I don’t accept and/or settle in life any longer. I’m a big picture thinker again. I’ve been told that I think faster than most people, and that once I harness this? I’ll be unstoppable. I’m satisfied with the knowledge of this revelation.

Be open to love. I love my kids to pieces, and I now see what a real loving relationship looks like. I have friends who are in relationships that are what I know are relationship goals. They treat each other they way the want to be treated. Guess what? It makes their whole relationship satisfying and fulfilling. They consider each others feelings, needs, wants and desires. And, they don’t always try to get their own way at the expensive of their spouse. They also see each other as mutual partners that work with not against each other. Love is not competitive, ungrateful, entitled, punitive, and it isn’t self-serving.

Storms come. You find out who’s for you in the storms of life. Those who leave you in the midst of the storm? If someone leaves you during a storm, they aren’t for you. People who look for shelter without you, should give you pause to think about why they’re so important to you to begin with.  Those that stay no matter what? They’re for you, that’s loyalty. Too many people settle for those who make them stand alone during trouble. Dysfunctional relationships are leverage driven, and not cooperation driven. You really find out if you’re dealing with an in it for “right now”, or “the long haul” type during a storm.

Don’t forget who put you in the storm. Anyone that would cause you to have to go through a storm will eventually face the consequences. Don’t take revenge, Karma is your best advocate. Things tend to be worse on the back end for the person that causes you pain, strife, chaos and destruction. It’s been in my experience that the person that causes you deliberate harm, will deal with harsh reality of what that’s like. To make matters worse, they end up in the very same situation that they created for you on steroids: what goes around, comes around.

There are lots of lessons to be learned in a year, and I’m grateful to all of the ones that I’ve learned. I know that the people surrounding me celebrate and don’t tolerate me. I learn from my past mistakes, and don’t make the same ones twice. Closing some doors, but opening others will either bring success or failure in life. I’m seeing success, all because I took a chance and closed some doors, but opened others.

Power Couples

https://addicted2success.com/life/5-skills-you-and-your-partner-need-to-master-to-become-an-unstoppable-power-couple/

When you start a business while in a relationship, make sure you’re on the same page. Leave the competition outside the relationship, and you’ll see success. Compete against each other, and see everything destroyed. The best part of being in a power couple? You become better people, and you both grow. So make sure you’re with the right person. The wrong person will hasten your journey to failure. If they have a track record of failure and quitting? Then you can’t expect them be a part of the power equation.

The Insecurity Monster

http://www.elcrema.com/2016/12/29/6-signs-your-man-is-threatened-by-your-success/

I have never believed in dumbing oneself down, hiding your talents, or pretending to be helpless to make a man happy. Or, so that he can feel “good” about himself. It’s so important that you choose the right one to share your life with. If his father didn’t accomplish much in life? That’s a red flag. When surpassing a guy like this, he will derail your career and a better life. An insecure man is a competitive man. Your home should provide peace, love and safety; not be a battlefield for supremacy.

If he can’t handle you being more successful? Let him go, and find yourself one that can. If he needs someone to feel superior too, then he’s not right for you. There are plenty of men out there that are looking to be part of a power couple. If you’re smart, resourceful, enterprising, an over-achiever, hardworking or just plain ambitious? Be extremely picky with your choice. You want a man that wants to help make you, not break you.

Resentment will cause him to do everything in his power to try to “bring you down a few notches”. Or worse: feel the need to control you. A controlling man, is a threatened man. Thank goodness there are good ones out there. The ones that know how to feel pride in your successes, and want to brag about them. Those men are worth their weight in gold.

But, be careful. Insecure men will pick insecure women to try to prop up. The kind of woman that feeds on drama buys into this BS. She’ll think that she’s awesome, living a mediocre life, with no real future. But as long as he says she’s fantastic… I feel really sorry for those types, they dance them deep and fast to rock bottom. All while he’s singing her praises.

So, if you find yourself in the situation from the above article, and he leaves? Do a little dance, and enjoy letting the toxic dump find a new dumping ground. You just watched the worst thing that ever happened to you head for the hills.

Confessions of a Control Freak

Had to post this article. Control freaks? Let them go and control someone else. Control freaks keep people in bondage due to their personal demons and insecurities. Better to be with someone who doesn’t need to constantly self protect. Be with someone who is  capable of love, connection, peace, trust and understanding.

Control freaks don’t have these qualities because they’re too afraid of not being able to control the outcome. Small people create small worlds, and then want to force you to live in them. Caged animals will always want to be free, something to think about. They only know: chaos, confusion, discord, distrust and strife. Let them have it, find someone who compliments, not complicates your life.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201506/confessions-recovering-control-freak%3Famp

 

The Narcissist isn’t attacking your ‘faults and shortcomings,’ he/she is attacking your ‘virtues and accomplishments’ this is how they manage you down to feeling worthless. When the Narcissist is conducting a character assassination against someone, the gun the Narcissists shoots never hits one of that person’s REAL flaws, it is shot at you to just wound you enough to disable you with their made-up accusations.

If you want to be successful in business, you have to be able to recognize these people. If you want to be happy in relationships, run far, run fast. Never let this person back into your life no matter what.

After Narcissistic Abuse

 

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468595784&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm

As simple as it all sounds the Narcissist’s aim is impeccable as far as it concerns seeking out their prey (or source of supply) and all of us are possible targets. What is the main coefficient here? You, me and the rest of the world. Without us there is no way they can participate in life and achieve supply. They HAVE to live amongst us with a believable reality or facade, but they can’t monitor or better yet control their distorted needs, nor do they even see their destructiveness or perverted lifestyle as dysfunctional because they are too damaged and just don’t care. Everything you offer them be it care or unconditional love is used and abused while they get at what they came for. Unfortunately, that façade and mask slips…

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How the Narcissist manages you down!

Watch out for these types in personal relationships and business. They’re toxic, manipulative, and do actively try to drive you crazy. All, while telling the world that you have problems that never existed until you had dealings with them. They are masters of projection, and use “you made me”, and “if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have” statements. Beware clients and people who are close to you that refuse to be held accountable for their actions. They want you to trust their words and ignore their toxic actions.

After Narcissistic Abuse

 

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com

 

I am going to try to get into the head of the Narcissist in order for you to make sense of the distorted reality of what is REALLY going on in there. It is always dangerous and against our best interests to attempt to understand their darkness – so remember to heed my advice and never try to do it.

 

Narcissists ALWAYS tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to explain their actions. In turn they will accuse and blame others to divert attention away from themselves and the real truth.

 

A Narcissist will refuse to accept the perspective of any human being but they will irrationally defend their own distorted/delusional position and lies as well as force you into accepting them as reality and the end result…

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Strategic Misrepresentation

Strategic Misrepresentation: intentional or systematic distortion of misstatement of facts for the purpose of gaining financial advantage. …(Fieser, 2nd ed., 2015, pg 85)

As an entrepreneur that’s ready to launch a successful business, I have to keep learning. It’s amazing how much you can learn while pursuing a degree. Taking an Ethics class has been a real eye opener. I had never heard of the term: Strategic Misrepresentation, but I do know it of it by it’s other name: Lying by Omission.

If you’ve ever been lied to by omission, you know exactly what I’m talking about. People who leave out pertinent information that lead you to believe something that isn’t true. Manipulative people are masters at lying by omission. They’re con artists that want you to believe, if I didn’t say it… Then I can’t be a liar now can I?

Steer clear of this toxic person. Whether it’s in business or relationships. These liars are dangerous. Malignant types don’t actually tell you a lie, they just don’t give you all of the information. This can lead you to make uninformed decisions based on part of the “story”. Without having all the facts, you may make a decision and/or take action that will harm you and/or others.

This is how it looks in relationships:

  • You meet a great guy or gal, and they’re tight lipped about their family and/or friends. What you don’t know about a person’s background can hurt you. There is always a reason that people hide or play down their past. If they were raised by unethical people, they are unethical people.Unethical people lie by omission about their history. You don’t want to find out after that fact, that you don’t want to associate with their family or friends, because they “left out” important information about them.
  • You are trying to accomplish a goal. The person closest to you says that they will support you, encourage you, and want to help you succeed. Once you start becoming successful, they stymie your efforts. At every turn, they are undermining your success. In some cases, outright sabotaging you in your endeavors. As they do this, they claim to be “protecting you”. All while destroying what you’re trying to build.
  • Keep losing friends after you start dating someone? They claim that your friends are jealous of your relationship. Don’t buy into this one. There are insecure people out there that will make you believe that your friends are jealous. When in fact, they’re the jealous ones. And, behind the scenes, are systematically running your friends off.  All while presenting themselves as your savior from disloyal friends.

Strategic misrepresentation is by far the most manipulative, dishonest, and destructive thing a person can inflict on someone.  It’s inauthentic, and abusive behavior. Yes, abusive. It falls under the guidelines of emotional abuse on the Power and Control wheel. http://www.ncdsv.org/images/PowerControlwheelNOSHADING.pdf . Lies eventually are uncovered. And, lies have a habit of not being able to stand up under scrutiny. Eventually, stories don’t add up, and cracks will surface. Once that happens, the floodgates are open for the truth to come out.

Lying by omission is far worse than telling a lie. Lying is a character flaw. Lying by omission is a lack of integrity and character issue. Telling a lie is a tool used to protect oneself. Lying by omission on the other hand, is a way of life. Neither are right, one is a negative temporary fix, while the other is ingrained.  There is a high price to pay for misrepresenting yourself. Just ask anyone that has burned bridges that can’t be rebuilt because of perpetual lying. Once a bridge is burnt by lying, it’s extremely rare that you will find anyone that will to try to help you rebuild it.

Reference

Fieser, James. Introduction to Business Ethics, 2nd Ed., 2015, Bridgepoint Education Inc.